Did My Brain Fall Out?

Haven't we all asked ourselves this question? There are days I am quite sure my brain did fall out - I can barely put one foot in front of the other and I forget everything. I know you can relate!

Friday, August 10, 2012

18 Years Later.....Happy Birthday Baby!

When I think about how YOUNG I was when I had C1, I cringe. I was 22 and so incredibly unprepared. I grew up as an only child and lived a pretty sheltered life. The only adversities I had to overcome were the deaths of my grandparents and my parents' divorce. In this day and age, that's nothing!

So, I was 22 and unprepared. I mean I had all the STUFF that babies need, but I was unprepared for the emotions and trial and errors that came along with a new baby. C1 must have known how unready I was because she, obligingly, was 10 days late. Most women who are overdue complain that they are ready for "this baby to come out," while I was very content waiting.

C1 didn't burst into the world. She took the same approach to being born that she did to being on time. She was in no hurry at all. I labored for 16 hours. I pushed for 2. The labor and delivery nurse didn't notice that she wasn't presenting with the top of her head, but with her face. Poor little baby, I rammed her face for two hours. The doctor came in and yelled "STOP!"  Oh and my husband was almost thrown out of the hospital for smoking in the bathroom - who DOES that?

After my epidural and c-section, I was awesomely mellow, I'm sure from the special juice the anesthesiologist slipped into my IV. The world was great, my baby was born, I was chill . Even when my husband (who I was still slightly mad at; did I mention he left me home alone in the shower when I was in labor to go to 7-11 to get coffee? He was a complete fail in labor and delivery skills. This didn't improve when I had C2 either) came in and said there was something wrong with C1, I just patted his head and said, "It will be fine." I know drugs are bad, but some days I could really use that special juice so I can return to my mellow.

There were genetic specialists and threats of transporting C1 by helicopter to another hospital. The doctors couldn't tell my husband what exactly was wrong with her, just that she didn't look right. In her chart my OB/GYN put, "bizarre looking." Yeah, well I pushed on her face for two hours. You might look a little fucked up too. Anyway, one of the best moments was when the geneticist came in to tell us his "findings." On his sheet he had "down turned mouth" as an observation. When he walked in, he looked at my dad and me, then crossed it off the list. Now, every once in a while I look at my mouth in the rear view mirror, and think "what's so genetically abnormal about my mouth?" Anyway, this guy was the last hurdle and he just said that she was a big baby (8lbs 13oz) in a small space (my uterus) - her features would pop out eventually. She did kind of look like a boxer after a particularly rough fight at first, but by the time we got home, she was perfect! I mean she was perfect to begin with, but she looked less like a smooshed barbie doll 5 days out.

She didn't like to eat. I had to abandon breastfeeding, even after the nurse at my OB/GYN's office came to my HOUSE to help me. I think back and wonder what that entire office must have thought of me!
Anyway, she was a sleepy baby and we had to fight to get her to eat. But she was HAPPY. She was MELLOW. She barely cried, and although these were signs of what we would learn after millions of doctors appointments and evaluations, she made being a mom pretty darn easy. And she was so incredibly pretty.

I could go on and on...she missed milestones, we started therapy, she went to special preschool. I became a pro at meetings, and acronyms and IEPs. blah, blah, blah.

Nothing can overshadow the fact that I love my baby so incredibly much. She has changed my life. She's beautiful and funny and awesome. She is my heart. She is my family.

This is what I put in her yearbook senior ad and I think it sums her up pretty well:

From the minute we dreamt of you
We envisioned everything we would teach you

To walk 
To talk
To dream and to love
To make good choices
To be a strong young woman

You turned the tables on us and taught us more about life and ourselves than mere words can express.
You taught us the real meaning of

Being silly
Play time
Keeping promises 
Strength and
Standing up for something you believe in

You showed us what it means to be a family. 

We celebrate you and all you have accomplished. Congratulations! We are so incredibly proud of you and cannot wait to see what you will teach us next. 

Love Always,

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future.  ~Author Unknown


  1. You make me laugh and cry at the same time. Beautiful post.

    1. Thank you Susan, my number one fan! ♥

  2. How have I never seen those pictures?! Cutest. Ever. I just wanna scoop her up and kiss those cheeks! You are lucky to have her and she is so, so lucky to have such an amazing mom! Love you both!!!!!!!!!

    1. Love you Flynn, and I love your family too! I am lucky to have you as a part of our lives.

  3. Replies
    1. Thanks Leah. I hope you are feeling better! I miss you so incredibly much and my kids do too!