Did My Brain Fall Out?

Haven't we all asked ourselves this question? There are days I am quite sure my brain did fall out - I can barely put one foot in front of the other and I forget everything. I know you can relate!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Cool Mom and OCD Do Not Go Together

I try to be a cool mom. I do. Sometimes I'm cooler than other times. Most of the time, I fall short. My husband tells me that I don't have a cool bone in my body. I like to think I have at least one or two - a femur or a tibia, most certainly a funny bone.

Every summer C2 has a pool party. You need to understand that the anxiety and panic that I feel when entertaining is great. I must CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN, and PLAN PLAN PLAN, and CRY, yes CRY CRY CRY, and get myself worked up to such a froth that I should be institutionalized by the day of the party. I work myself into such a state that I don't actually enjoy the party.  I have gotten better in the last year. Maybe it's working two jobs, but I have resigned myself to the fact that my house will never be clean. I also know that 13 year old kids don't care how clean my house is. My friends probably don't care either. (If you come over and think, ick, then you have two choices 1. clean 2. leave) We clean the bathrooms and vacuum (we have 2 cats and 3 dogs, so vacuuming is mandatory). Maybe dust. Then we are done. Love it or lump it.

Last year's pool party was a success for about 45 minutes until the crazy thunderstorm that brought BUCKETS of rain and ruined all the chips. Nothing makes me madder than soggy chips. Anyway, if it wasn't for the quick movements of my friend Shannon, who took pity on me and agreed to stayed to help supervise the chaos, I might still be scraping pretzel mush out the of the cracks of the deck. She can stack bowls and clear a table like nobody's business.

This year, we thought we would try something new. Uhoh, right?

I mean, she's 13 now, why not have a cooler, hipper, "older" party. Refer to paragraph #1. Cool is not always easy to pull off when one has OCD. This was my idea. What the HELL is wrong with me? 

We decided that the party would start at 7pm, end at 11pm, and that there would be 12 people (this took a week of negotiations - C2 wanted 20, I said 10...) with 3 girls staying to sleep over. The party would start with swimming, progress to s'mores and snacks and end with a movie on the deck. Sounds fun doesn't it?

Well, about an hour in, the pool ladder broke, which resulted in my husband yelling at the kids to hoist themselves from the water up onto the deck and "DON'T USE THE LADDER! IT IS BROKEN!" Really, sir? They just told you that. Thank God I wasn't in the pool. I would still be in there. No hoisting for this lady! 

I have to say that I wasn't as relaxed as I should have been - and maybe an adult beverage would have been a good idea, probably starting at noon and continuing through the party...yup. Just one, bottomless adult beverage. I also forgot that my new motto is to live in the moment. 

Do you have any idea how much noise 12 thirteen year old kids can make? No? Well, let's see - everything makes them scream. Bugs. Food. Water. Air. And they scream in unison, like someone is chasing all of them with a knife, but louder. Jet engine loud. Honestly, if someone was chasing them with a knife and they screamed, knife wielding person would have no choice but to drop his knife to cover his ears. Yeah.

Anyway. There was fire for the s'mores. I don't like this. Then there were sparklers, which are just fancy sticks of fire. I don't like that either. Kids and fire are bad, as evidenced by the fact that one child made the tip of his wooden skewer red-hot and then "pretended" to poke another kid in the face. Oh. My. God. 

Then we had the left-his-phone-in-his-pocket-and-jumped-in-the-pool-kid (certainly something Jill at Yeah. Good times would never do! She knows phones and water do.not.mix). 

Once the projector came out, the pool was closed. The kids were quiet for 8.5 minutes of the movie. They couldn't hear the movie because of all the frogs. Frogs that sound like sheep and chickens. No joke. Of course, at about 15.2 minutes, C2 was crying that her friends were complaining they were bored and wanted to go back in the pool. Pool, computer and (borrowed) projector are not really great menage a trois, so sorry kids. Pool is still closed.

By 10pm, I took pity on the neighbors and made the kids come inside because their noise level was increasing in direct proportion to how quiet I asked them to be...

Anyway, I won't bore you with the rest of the deets, but my husband did bail at around 10:15, which left me to listen to the herd of elephants running around upstairs, playing hide and seek in the dark (did you HAVE to hide in the shower? I had closed the shower curtain for a reason - mainly because I didn't CLEAN the shower), and in general, making as much noise as possible. 

It was around this time that my friends Callie and (aforementioned friend Shannon, her husband) John (who asked me around 9pm if I had OCD "or something") hit the road. Can't blame them, and honestly, I wanted to hide in one of their car trunks and be whisked away into the night.

In spite of my neuroses, the kids seemed to have fun. A few left-overs are still here and currently ate all the cinnamon buns I made and are now headed to the pool. The backyard and deck resemble the remnants of a frat party. 

Farewell, until I'm stupid enough to agree to this again next year..............


  1. I laughed and laughed at this (in sympathy - or sonething). You rock

    1. Now, I think what we need to do is get you and Kiki down here for the "event" next year!

  2. Replies
    1. Laughter is the best medicine. I will come over soon and make you laugh in person ;)

  3. So funny! Grey had a great time, and his phone is still drying out on the table :) Text me if you ever want a small party of just me, Kat, Grey and Brock to come by. Adult beverages included...and probably not as much screaming! :)

    1. I can't believe he jumped in the pool with his phone in his pocket! It should be illegal to make bathing suits with pockets!

  4. Idea for next year- skating rink, jungle rapids, hotel w/ maybe 3 friends. Let someone else clean up the mess, silly!

    1. Although you are correct Flynn, and all of the places you mentioned are air conditioned, this was a little cheaper...foolish, but less expensive!

  5. See? I knew to go to the expert! It makes my blog that much more professional.